The other day I caught a Travel Channel show featuring a British tea house making cupcakes. For the next half hour, I found myself ruminating on why I hate cupcakes.
I didn’t always hate cupcakes.
Ten years ago, I lived in Minneapolis where gourmet cupcakes emerged into the food scene as I knew it. Rumours abounded about a woman who sold cupcakes in fancy flavors from a boutique once a week. They were so popular that they’d sell out if you didn’t get there before noon. These cost $5 each and I sometimes blew $20 on four small pastries, feeling very Carrie Bradshaw. But sometimes the cupcakes were dry and I got tired of playing cupcake roulette.
Style Over Substance
Cupcakes frustate me because their looks often deceive. Even though they are pretty, they’re often dried out inside. I think people overbake them or let them sit around for too long. I’m annoyed when bakeries spend so much time and effort making cupcakes look like dazzling jewels, yet take so little care to bake them correctly.
I also dislike cupcakes because I dislike frosting. I don’t like that whip creme-based frosting on cheap, grocery store cakes or sticky-sweet buttercream. Cupcakes are usually covered in at least their bodies’ weight in frosting which I promptly remove.
Rise Of The Cupcakeries
In a recent conversation, a few of us found ourselves debating what a store might be called if it only sold cupcakes. Is “bakery” too general? Is cupcakery even a word? There are entire stores being built that only sell cupcakes and they even appear in stores that don’t typically sell food. The cupcake movement doesn’t seem to be slowing down and I just can’t avoid cupcakes.
Now, who wants a Cronut?