Tag: Opinion (page 1 of 2)

Everything I’ve Always Wanted To Say About French Fries

I have a lot of opinions about French Fries.

  1. Bad french fries are better than no french fries.
  2. Even bad fries are still good fries.
  3. Steak fries are trash.
  4. Crinkle cuts are one step above steak fries. Only exception: Saint Dinette (more below)
  5. Matchstick fries are mostly trash. If I wanted a tin of shoestring potatoes, I’d buy a tin of shoestring potatoes.
  6. Waffle fries are fun, but typically not good enough to deserve an up-charge. They should be served with sour cream dip that tastes like Top the Tater.
  7. Seasoned wedge fries are two steps above steak fries.
  8. Arby’s curly fries are their own thing. I like Arby’s curly fries.
  9. The best thing to dip your fries in is whatever you like to dip your fries in.
  10. Generic pre-frozen french fries can be elevated with a good deep fry job + proper seasoning.
  11. Burgers should always come with fries. If they don’t, the burgers should be cheap, or, the fries, really really good.
  12. Restaurants that charge an extra fee to swap potato chips for fries are the worst.
  13. Housemade fries prepared with care are the best.

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10 Things I’d Rather Drink Than Eggnog

Here are ten things I’d rather drink than a glass of holiday eggnog:

  1. Not Your Father’s Root Beer. I hate Not Your Father’s Root Beer.
  2. A green smoothie.
  3. Three-day old coffee.
  4. Grape cough syrup.
  5. Liquefied White Castle burgers.
  6. Florida tap water.
  7. The liquid that collects on the bottom of the trashcan when your trash bag rips.
  8. Lye solution that hydrates lutefisk.
  9. The water in my dog’s water bowl that’s still sitting there when we come home from vacation.
  10. Beezlebub’s angry tears.

Everything I’ve Ever Wanted To Say About Burgers

Disclaimer: Sorry Mom and Dad.

If you really want to bother me, overcook my burger.

The prelude to disappointment is when a restaurant asks you how you want your burger cooked and then it arrives well done, anyway. I always ask for medium rare and just hope it arrives a little south of hockey puck.

Growing-up, we ate burgers weekly and I avoided burgers into my mid-20’s because I assumed I hated them. I remember helping my mom divide one pound of beef into four balls and packing them into disks. We seasoned them with salt and pepper and placed them on the grill until they were charred on the outside and well done on the inside. It’s not that they tasted horrible; I just didn’t understand why anyone would go out of their way to eat a hamburger.

My perfect burger is simply a burger that isn’t messed up. There are burgers for every mood and occasion, but when I’m really craving a burger, I want a classic one. O’Connell’s Pub delivered our perfect burger this weekend. It was like my mom grilled us a burger on our deck and didn’t mess it up. Now, I’m left with intense burger feelings.

Use delicious beef! But not too lean.

Don’t overcook it.

Keep it loosely packed.

Season the beef, but cook it however you like.

Grill it or griddle it, I really don’t care as long as it’s medium rare and you do all of the things I just mentioned.

Take the time to toast the bun because, let’s be real, it only takes a second and makes a huge difference.

Hold the foccacia or ramen noodle or Texas toast bun and keep your wacky sauces for another time. 

Simple garnishes like raw onion and tomato are just fine and there’s no shame in the ketchup game. Crisp iceberg lettuce is OK, too. A good burger’s like good pizza. Too many toppings can be overkill. More guacamole, peanut butter, and chicken fried bacon burgers for everyone else!

Good burgers don’t have to be expensive. If your burger costs at least $12 and then I have to pay extra to upgrade the potato chips to french fries, I’m gonna get cranky. Especially if it’s overcooked. And double especially if it has canned mushrooms.

Much of a burger’s goodness is about the person who cooks it. Last month, I enjoyed a good burger at the Hilton Garden Inn by the Lambert airport. The chef cooked it to a perfect medium rare and served it with crispy, house-cut french fries. I’ve received far less burgers for a higher price and at fancier restaurants.

A simple burger cooked well is a beautiful thing.

The Eight Things Grocery Stores Do That Win My Love

As someone who enjoys cooking and trying new foods, I like grocery shopping. Living in four states around the Midwest has given us the opportunity to visit many different grocery stores. Something that is a normal part of the grocery shopping experience in one state or a certain chain might not be at the next. A recent visit to a deli counter brought all of my thoughts on grocery shopping to fruition and helped me identify eight things that grocery stores do that win my love:

1. Freshly Slicing Deli Meat To Order
Seinfeld’s Cosmo Kramer understands deli meat. In the episode The Slicer, he purchases a slicer for home use and highlights the glories of freshly sliced meat. “Look how thin that is, see, that’s all surface area. The taste has nowhere to hide!” he exclaims as he holds up a paper-thin slice of meat.

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There’s always episodes of Seinfeld on our DVR.

The delis that perplex me are the ones that showcase whole deli meats and cheeses, yet reach down and pull out a wad of pre-sliced meat or saran-wrapped cheese after I place my order. Sometimes I literally have no idea from which depths they pulled the meat or cheese and it’s like a terrible deli SURPRISE. Others surround their lunch meat logs with such vast, rippling oceans of pre-sliced meat that no one would have to actually operate the meat slicer during business hours for days.

Usually the pre-sliced meat is thickly cut and shaped into strange curls that are supposed to look attractive but actually make me really not want to eat them.

I like thick slices of Thanksgiving turkey and Easter ham, but thin slice of sandwich meat. Plus, it’s easier to stretch thin slices into more sandwiches. I know the deli meat, pre or freshly sliced, is just going to sit in my fridge for the week, but I can’t help but wonder when that meat was actually sliced and like to pretend the slices have had less time to grow bacteria when sliced on the spot. And, gosh darn, freshly sliced meat just makes me feel better.

2. Keeping Produce Dry
Dry produce lasts longer while damp produce decomposes faster. Anyone who’s ever thrust their arms into a pile of waterlogged kale and fished for the least slimy bunch knows what I’m talking about. Inevitably, I always end up shaking the wet vegetation in a frustrated attempt to rid it of excess water, sending a wide shower of muddy water all over myself and the floor. Dry produce is happy produce and happy produce is for me.

3. Not Making Me Jump Through Hoops For Paper Bags. Grocery stores that offer paper bags without a hassle end their guests’ shopping experiences on positive notes. I admit that I need to remember to shop with my reusable bags more often, but sometimes I forget them or want a paper bag to collect recycling in my kitchen.

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I’ve encountered stores that have trained their Sales Associates to begin conversations with, “Is plastic ok?” or automatically pack groceries into plastic bags at lightning speed. I hated finding myself starting conversations with “May I have paper?” but knew that if I didn’t, paper just wasn’t going to happen. Obviously, grocery stores honor customers’ requests for paper bags, but customers might have to be speedy or straightforward to get them.

At one particular store, no matter how quickly I tried to ask for paper, associates always managed to fill at least one plastic bag that needed to be repacked into paper. On some occasions, I really did need that paper bag for recycling day, but on others I simply sighed and said, “Never-mind, that’s OK.” My requests for  paper bags are always met with a chipper “sure!” or “of course,” I can sense fear behind those smiles.

What exactly happens to those who freely dispense paper bags at these stores, I may never know, but, to those who do, I offer my thanks.

4. Selling Clearanced Items. I’m fond of grocery stores that offer clearance items, because clearance items are fun! Sometimes it’s a gamble and I end up wasting money on a product that was clearanced because nobody liked it. And other times I find a deal.

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At one store in Mason City, I got a kick out of waiting for the super expensive baking mixes to sell for half off, like the Crumbs Bake Shoppe Colossal Cupcake kit. I’ve also found many sensible items on clearance like canned tuna and hot sauces that aren’t anywhere near their expiration date.

5. Treating Customers To Samples. Because who doesn’t love snacks?

6. Providing Small Grocery Carts. Since I grocery shop for two, I don’t often need a big cart, anyway. Small carts make it easier to complete a small grocery shopping trip quickly.

grocery cart

I push a grocery cart like I drive. Nothing drives me nuts like navigating a full-sized grocery cart between aisles and around displays. Not to mention, trying not to crash into the displays while I also struggle not to bump into all of the other people pushing giant carts and strollers. This is why I will literally do everything possible never to push a full-sized grocery cart. I will also do everything possible to never make more than one trip carrying groceries from my car to my house which is why I love that small carts limit how much I buy.

7. Setting Out A Mailbox For Customers. In Iowa, many of the grocery stores’ customer service desks are outfitted with USPS services where you can purchase stamps and mail packages. I loved that I could take care of my mail and grocery shopping in one trip. Although we had a mailbox at home, I often found myself carrying around letters I forgot to mail or stamp. I always appreciate it when stores provide something as simple as mail basket at their customer service desks.

8. Offering Express Lanes Managed By Real People.
I often run to the grocery store to buy a few items or grab that one ingredient that I forgot and appreciate express lanes. Not the self-service check-out lanes, but the express lanes for customers buying 12 items or less actually managed by a human.

Self-service lanes are supposed to be faster, but actually take me longer because I have no idea what I’m doing. One reason why I bumble around trying to find the right produce buttons and codes is that I don’t actually work there. Inevitably, I’ll hit the wrong button or place an object in an area that triggers an alarm and will have to wait for assistance, anyway. If stores offered even a small discount to customers who scanned, weighed, bagged, and processed payments for their own groceries, customers might use them with less hesitation.

How does a grocery store earn your loyalty or push you into the loving aisles of another?

Food Snob

As a new college graduate, I was a food snob.

I hated the idea of eating at a chain restaurant. My coworker felt the same way and we made such a terrible stink about our friend suggesting we eat at Olive Garden to celebrate a staff member’s birthday that we made her feel bad. She walked away from the conversation with a crumpled expression on her face saying, “Well, I like Olive Garden.” I’ve never forgotten the sinking feeling in my stomach from hurting my friend.

It’s not our food preferences that made us a food snob, it’s how we make others feel about theirs.

Marilyn Hagerty changed my life. I had lived in Fargo-Moorhead for about a year when her Olive Garden review first surfaced. Frankly, I thought she was nuts. Now that I’ve lived in the rural Midwest for going on four years, I kind of get it. Almost any new food business that moves into town is a hopeful sign of economic growth. It’s a new option and worth investigating. There’s also the fact that Hagerty is a talented, seasoned journalist who can like and write about whatever she wants.

Bismarck Crawl

Photo courtesy of the North Dakota Department of Commerce. Taken at the North Dakota Writers & Bloggers Workshop, June 2013 at Fireflour Pizza, Bismarck, ND.

That food snob inside me surfaced recently. Last November my in-laws announced they were leading us on a Joe’s restaurant crawl to celebrate my father-in-law’s birthday and I may have balked. Ok, so I totally balked. We were supposed to visit three Twin Cities restaurants in one day that included the name, “Joe” in their title, ending at Joe’s Crab Shack.

If it was my birthday, I probably wouldn’t choose Joe’s Crab Shack, but you know what? It wasn’t my birthday. I embraced my bib, sipped a colorful cocktail from a mason jar, and dug into a crab pot. It’s true that I enjoyed the food that I ate. Most importantly, my family was there and so I had a great time.

Just remember, it’s not my birthday and it’s probably not yours. I can play favorites, but never want to become so sophisticated that I can’t enjoy an evening out with loved ones at an Applebee’s.

I like purchasing organic butter from grass-fed cows and eggs from cage-free chickens. One of my vices is mango-habanero hot wings from Buffalo Wild Wings and I will never go to your Wildtree party, but if I have four dollars in my pocket, I’ll buy a box of your Thin Mints. So, does this mean that you must, too? Hell no. As food writer Jordana Rothman commented about the food culture of hate during the past year, “Let’s just all like what we like and hate what we hate in 2015.” 

Speak with your purchases and voice and pen for what you like and want to see. We can play favorites, but should aspire to do so with kindness.

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